As I mentioned - I searched for years. There were times that I would simply give up! I had had enough! People were rude, mean and callous! How dare I want to know this information! Well, I persisted and I am glad that I did.
You always expect the worst. Never, ever do you expect the best. My years of searching were coming close to a conclusion on December 19, 2001. I had petitioned the courts in Florida to hear my case and my reasons for wanting to know my information. I had sent document after document, certified letter after letter and all the notarized pieces of paper I could get my hands on. Finally, I had my court date. Actually, my original court date was scheduled November 14th. I couldn't make that date since I don't live in Florida and I couldn't take the time to go there. That was probably the biggest set back. Truth be told, the Judicial Assistant was less than pleasant. No, let me be blunt. She was a pure bitch and mean to the core. She treated me colder than anyone had in the years that I had searched. I honestly still wonder to this day how that woman sleeps at night! Lord, no one can be that vile to the core! Anyhow, I had no choice but to "deal" with this woman and put up with the insults and rudeness since my "fate" was essentially in her hands for the time-being. I finally then had my court day rescheduled to the 19th of December and I was permitted to call in to the courts for my hearing.
I called in on the 19th not knowing what to expect and having absolutely nothing prepared to say. That's pretty much how I had done this all along. I thought that if the sentiments were genuine it might be better. The Judge (who I won't name but I will forever be grateful to) seemed pleasant. This is how my first few SECONDS of the call went.
"Well, Mrs. X, (like my pseudonym?) I can only assume that you are calling me for your birthmothers name."
"Well, no, actually, I was hoping that I might be able to get some medical history. You see, I have a 2 year old son and it would just be nice to have background medical information."
"Well, Mrs. X, I'm afraid that if you are looking for your medical history I can't help you, but, if you want your birthmother's name, it is X." (Same pseudonym - shows we're related! he he)
My heart had stopped! The world literally stood still for that moment and all the balance of the universe had shifted. I had only a split second to recover and try to continue.
"Judge Y, that's great but I was hoping that there would be something else in my file"
For the next 20 minutes we went page by page through my file sifting through what little tidbits of information were in there. Most of what was in there I have since come to find out wasn't really true. Imagine that!
So, with my birthmother's name now burned into my brain for eternity I did the only thing I new to do...I got in touch with Florida Triad. I have a link to them on my site and I strongly urge you to join them. They are a remarkable group of people helping each other out. They have resources that I don't even want to know about.
Anyhow, within 5 hours I had my mother's married name, address and phone number. My heart was all a flutter!!!!! Remember, EXPECT THE WORST!
So, that night, I called the number and a man answered. I asked for Mrs. X and he said, "She doesn't live here anymore."
What??? That can't be right. I called him back and said that it was urgent that I get a message to her. He said that if I called back and left the message on the answering machine that she would get it. Fishy to you? Was to me, too! Anyhow, I did. I, of course, didn't say exactly who I was but did leave my name and number.
Well, a few weeks go by and nothing. Then one evening (Dec 27th, but who's keeping track!) my good friend and neighbor called the number and left a much more detailed message indicating who I was. Was that high schoolish or what?
January - no reply.
Mid January I started poking around the public records on-line (gotta love the internet!!!) and was searching for her married name. I stumbled across her name under dissolution of marriage. NOW IT MADE SENSE!
I looked up the attorney's and quickly drafted a letter. I faxed the letter over on January 28th (again, who's keeping track?) Days go by - no response. The letter was very superficial. It basically was giving most of my info and it said that if she wanted to contact me she could. If she didn't that was fine, but, at least I knew that this attorney would deliver the info to her.
End of January - no response. Mid February - no response.
At this point, I can say that I had satisfied myself. There was no way that I could have done any more than this. I resigned myself to the fact that she received my letter and chose not to get in touch with me. I understood that and was ready to move on.
February 28th rolled around and I was miserably sick! Had been home from work for a few days with bronchitis, upper respiratory infection and sinus infection. Yep - I was feeling just great!! It was about 9:30pm and I was in bed. I mentioned to my husband that I hadn't checked email that day and was going to see if we got anything. Just mail in general - remember - I had given up!
I logged on (you know, pre-roadrunner) and there was an email from User ID Mrs. X. I thought to myself, "Who is this evil to play this kind of sick twisted joke on me! How cruel!" Then I opened the email and it simply said.......
"I am who you think I am. Things are complicated right now but I would like to meet you."
MEET ME????? Not even call me but MEET ME????
Oh my god.....
The 28th was on a Wednesday. That Friday we had our first phone call! What a cry-fest that was! I think the first stupid question I asked her was "Do you have crappy fingernails, too?" and then, of course, that was followed by her "You're short aren't you?"
Anyhow, come to find out, I had faxed the letter to the wrong attorney. Her ex-husbands who is NOT my father. Hey - even the brilliant minded are allowed a mishap every now and then.....However, this was a bigs, OOPPSS!
Come to find out, she was living only a state away in South Carolina. A mere 4 hour drive from me. We made arrangements for her to drive up to see me on March 9, 2001. (Okay - yes - I am keeping track!) She mentioned that she would be having a friend drive her up. No problem.
March 9 about noon there was the knock on my door. I opened it and I swear to you my twin was standing on the other side!! We look identical! It is really something else. I hugged her and her male friend that brought her and thanked him. They came in and we spent the next 2 hours pouring over photos and crying!
Then I had to ask! "So, do you know who my birthfather is?"
Can you believe I asked that??? Doesn't that sound absolutely horrible?? I knew the instant those words rolled out of my mouth that they were completely inappropriate. I tried to regain my footing, "I mean does he know that he had a child?"
I got the strangest look from her and I knew it was somewhere that I probably shouldn't have gone. "I understand, really, if you want to talk about this some other time that's fine."
And then it happened........I looked over and the friend had tears coming down his cheeks. And he said, "X, I am your daddy!"
So, if you thought the first 2 hours were a cry-fest, you should have seen the rest of the afternoon!
Anyhow, come to find out they were high school sweethearts. My dad had gone off to the Air Force and my mom stayed in Florida. Well, he came home once in 1966 and well, that's private but since I am here in the world I guess you get the picture! He went off and she never told him she was pregnant.
Last year, they got back together. He was in the process of a divorce as was she. She told him about me and they had decided to look for me. Needless to say, I found them first. I am his only child. Both of their divorces are final and guess what.........Yes - they are getting married. Can you believe that?
What would make this story even better? The fact that I now also have a grandfather that is so wonderful to talk to, many, many aunts and uncles and more cousins than you can imagine. I can't keep up with them all! The entire family has embraced me and welcomed me! I am the luckiest person I know!
This weekend mom and dad are coming to visit me for the last time for a while. Unfortunately, he got transferred back to Florida and they have to move. We won't be as close distance wise but I know that we will be buring up the frequent flyer miles. I will miss them tremendously, but, I know I haven't lost them. They are my mother and father and they will always and forever be a part of my life!
If my reunion serves any purpose I hope that it is that you don't ever give up! Please keep searching! If someone closes a door on you stick your foot in it and keep knocking! And if you ever run into a Judicial Assistant in Brevard Courts, (you'll know her if you get her) tell her that Mrs. X said to "Kiss her A#$"
I wish all of you so much success and happiness. And, regardless of what you find - I wish you closure!
Leesa (I mean X!)
